Baker’s Dozen

— by Ivan —

Luigi’s bakery had been floundering in sales for some time. So, to inject some life into his business, he decided to have a little promotional called, “Baker’s Dozen”. This little scheme was simple. The first customer to come through the door on Baker’s Dozen Day got to plaster Tammi, Luigi’s 26-year-old assistant, in the face with, what else, thirteen pies and cakes. A banner had been hung outside the door a week prior and leaflets had been passed out to passersby during this week. Still, very few people seemed to have taken an interest during the week to come in to make purchases. It’s a sad truth that most people are NOT wammers.

But, Saturday morning, the day of the event, a large crowd of people had gathered outside the bakery window. Not surprisingly, I was the first in line to get a glimpse of the gushing, oozing pies and cakes that would be shoved and smeared into Tammi’s pretty face. Tammi was a Caucasian woman, with a pretty round face and long black hair to her waist. She smiled a cute little smile that shouted, “Please hit me in the face with one of those delicious creamy pies! Completely mess me up in my work suit. Come on, I can take it!” Tammi wore a white apron around a sexy short blue flowered dress. She wore thigh-high stockings, as were sometimes visible whenever her dress twirled around. She also wore high-heeled black shoes.

The hour hand on the big clock in the city square reached 9 am and the bell in the climbed clanged 9 times. Luigi opened up the door to the eager but friendly mob who had come to witness the event. I was thrust into the store so fast that I almost was pushed into kissing Tammi right on her ruby-red lips, as she stood behind the counter holding the first pie.

“Welcome, every-body! Make yourselves at home! Sample my finest bakery products and home-baked breads! We will start the pieing immediately!” shouted Luigi in an Italian accent. The crowd’s initial interest in the baked goods Luigi had to offer waned and a silence fell over the crowd as I, the first customer through the door that day, prepared to thoroughly gunge lovely Tammi with pie after pie.

“Here’s a BIG one!” squealed Tammi as she held a huge lemon meringue pie in her right hand like she were a waitress ready to serve it to a customer. She handed me the pie. The weight of the pie caught me off guard, as I used to hands to catch it and not lose any of its drippings. Luigi always used extra frosting in his pies to add weight and thickness to them. I asked the pressing crowd to clear some room around me, because I need a big turning radius to hurl the pie at Tammi.

“Begin!” shouted Luigi. With that cue, I hoisted the lemon meringue pie like a shotput. Tammi just stood there smiling and waiting the inevitable. I lunged the pie into her round pretty face. It was in mid-air only slightly. But, my arm’s momentum pulled my arm forward causing my hand to smush and smear the pie all OVER Tammi’s head and face. There was so MUCH pie that I had to cover her entire head with it. White frosting and cream an lemon and crust completely engulfed Tammi face and head. I smeared and smeared some more, getting her over her neck. A full inch of pie had covered her face. She leaned back slightly, and went, “ohhhh…”. She puffed a little blowhole through the pie with her mouth. Then she cleared her eyes with her hands.

The crowd ROARED with laughter and delight behind me. Tammi, too, laughed at the sticky spectacle of herself. She tried clearing the white and yellow pie out of her ears. But, I told her to hold off, since she would be getting twelve more. I picked up two more pies: blueberry with whipped cream, with a layer of blueberry frosting squeezed between. Tammi stood at attention with her arms held out, like she was implying, “Oh, more for ME?!” With that cue, I lunged across the counter with the pies directly at Tammi’s breasts. The pies smeared completely across her pretty lace white apron. Again another roar of laughter and talk from the excited audience.

“Wait, a minute. Let me come in front of the counter so you won’t have to reach so far,” Tammi said. Tammi was jittery and shaking with excitement as she walked around the counter to receive ten more pies. It was obvious this was a turn-on for her. Tammi now stood toe-to-toe with me. Our lips almost touched, if only I could see them under that pie goop.

I picked up numbers 4 and 5: two large gooey chocolate cakes, which were more frosting than cake. Tammi stood in front of me, with her legs slightly apart, almost wobbling in her shoes. I then let her have it with a double cake sandwich to her head. The chocolate must SURELY have gone into her ears THAT time, making her both blind AND deaf. The chocolate cake enveloped her head, which was now a huge glob of chocolate. Again, I had so much material to work with, that I rubbed it up and down her neck and chest and long black hair. I rubbed the pie into her hair, so that her hair was now like one long thick piece of wet lasagna.

Tammi was now laughing hysterically now. “Ughh! I can’t believe you are DOING this to me! I LOVE it!” She went on and on this way. Problem was, I was running out of clean place on Tammi to place more pies. Clearly, her butt and crotch had been untouched. But, dare I place pies in these regions? Would Tammi let me? I cleared Tammi’s left ear away from chocolate and whispered, “Can I let you have it in the crotch and bum?” “Sure, let me have it there! I’m wearing panties! But, make sure there aren’t any kids around!” Fortunately, this was a very tolerant crowd, because it was a very tolerant blue-collar, work-hard/play-hard neighborhood. People who had had their fun with this pieing left after making several hefty purchases and making Luigi and large profit. Anyone else with kids had just left them at home that day with grandma.

So, I lifted up Tammi’s skirt revealing beautiful soft blue panties. Luigi had concocted some specially patented soybean pies that were perfect immitations of the butter-cream pies. He was very protective of his patents, since he didn’t want just ANY pretty face being smushed and messied up with his special pies. I was beginning to wonder if he had invented the pie that NEVER WASHES OFF! Now, what an invention THAT would be!

I lifted one of these special cream pies up and smushed and smeared number 6 all around Tammi’s crotch and soft white thighs. Tammi wiggled her legs up and down. Clearly, she was tickling in this G-spot: Gunge-spot. I then spun Tammi around and delivered number 7 to her blue-pantied behind: another all-whiter all over her behind and thighs.

I was now over half done. What would become of the remaining six? I couldn’t resist: I spun Tammi around again. I wanted to asked her, “Are you ready again?” But, I was shaking with sexual excitement so much that I couldn’t think straight to ask her this simple question. I was mostly excited by the fact that she would just so willingly let me let her have it with the remaining pies anytime, anyplace. So, I just took those all-white cream, frosting pies and smushed the white pie all OVER Tammi’s face. A SECOND pie to Tammi’s face. Tammi licked her lips. All one could see was her red tongue as her mouth gaped open.

Luigi was kind enough to give me a two cans of cherry pie filling with which to add some color to his all white cream pies. I nearly cut myself on his can opener trying to open the cans. Tammi just stood there, with pie in her face, saying sweetly, “Take your time. I’m in no rush.” With that remark the audience laughed. Sweet Tammi could have taken off in a huff for the showers, saying, “I’ve had enough of this!”. But, not Tammi. She just stood in a sticky mess, waiting for me to open the cans of pie filling.

I got the cans open, dumped their contents onto two two-pound pies. Tammi was tired standing in those painful-looking high-heeled shoes. So, she took a rest on the counter. “Let’s do something different,” she said. “Let’s do something for all you foot fans, out there.” A large cheer arose from a section of the crowd. Apparently a large minority of the remaining crowd were foot fans! So, Tammi sat on the counter, removed her shoes, and said “Pie my feet!” One of the audience members shouted, “Take off your stockings first!”. With that, voluptuous Tammi turned down her black stockings, revealing long, thick, soft white legs. She crossed her legs, but her blue panties could still be seen. Her blue flowered dress was just too short to hide them.

Like a shoe salesman trying different shoes on his female customers, I placed one gooey, creamy, dripping-with-cherry pie on each foot of Tammi. The tins momentarily hung there like space-age aluminum shoes. I quickly grabbed pie material before it dropped off like the tins and rubbed it up and down her Sophia Loren-like legs. I stopped at the hem of her dress. But, I had totally messed up her legs and feet in seconds. Her toes and feet I massaged and massaged. I was almost tempted to kiss them. “Go ahead. You can kiss them!” spoke Tammi. I was amazed. She was actually letting me KISS her, albeit on her feet. So, I took her sticky, sweet feet in my hands and kissed them all over: on the soles, between the toes, on the ankles: everywhere. The tasted delicious with Luigi’s pies all over them.

I had spent ten pies on Tammi. What of the remaining three? Two more to each breast? All to the face? I couldn’t decide. Well, I had not done one to the top of her head yet, not that she needed any more there. But, for completeness, I took a large green cream special-Luigi pie and slam-dunked it on top of Tammi’s head. I wiped the pie all over her face and down the back of her head, too. I then took a similar pie and broke it into two smaller pies, held without a tin, in each hand. There was PLENTY of material in either hand for a good pieing. So, I let 12 go once more to her crotch with my left hand, while nearly simultaneously getting her rear end in with my right hand. I stood to Tammi’s left side as I rubbed the green, with one hand on her front and the other hand. She giggled and laughed as I held my hands there, ticklish from all the pie goo being smeared around. Her legs were completely covered. There was literally no place else to go now for a lonely pie.

A dozen pies and cakes had been sacrificed upon Tammi. But not a “baker’s dozen”. What of the final one? Luigi proudly announced to the lingering crowd, “Thank you everybody! You have made me a very happy man today! Seeing as pieing poor Tammi here has turned me (and her) a large profit today, I want to “reward” the man who made it all happen!” With that prelude, Luigi handed over one of his all-white cream pies to Tammi. Pie-faced Tammi stood there, teasing me, saying, “Come on! You know you want it! Come here! Don’t run away! You completely covered me!” She held the pie in her right hand, intimidating me with it. Then, like a viper snapping out, she thrust her hand forward, with the pie coming like a perfectly pitched baseball towards my face. All the rest is history…