Pie-ce De Resistance

— by Ivan and Charles Lee —

The following is a fictional story about a real-life person: Laura, a.k.a. NatureBabe, whose countenance has appeared in Messy News and in Messy Fun’s MFV12. We just thought it would be fun to put her into a “little” messy situation, just to see how she’d react–sort of like computer simulation. We only wish it were real. Enjoy.

Note to anyone living in Chicago: consider this a surrealistic recreation of your hometown, sort of the thing one might experience after smoking a few reefers. That will be the ONLY drug reference within the story.

Let’s begin.

Laura had just left the bridal shop wearing a beautiful white gown. She was rushing off to her cousin’s wedding at a Catholic church in Chicago with little time to spare. The camcorder weighed her down as she sped out onto the sidewalk. Wobbling along in her high-heeled shoes didn’t help much. She knew she would not make it to the wedding on time unless she made a few quick short-cuts through the streets. Fortunately, it was a Saturday, so there were not too many people or traffic through which to penetrate.

Laura didn’t want to do it, but she had no choice if she wanted to make the wedding on time: she would HAVE to pass through Bakers’ Avenue, a.k.a. “Bakery Row” or “Pies Avenue”. This avenue was actually home to several large bakeries and pie/confection shops. The odor was so sweet, that on a good day, if the breeze were just right, you’d be able to smell Bakers’ Avenue from Cleveland Avenue, which was at least 15 blocks from there. They did such a large business on this avenue, as a result, many pies and confections went unsold. There had been some reports of random pieings of innocent bystanders, most of which were female, and the rumors suggested these attacks originated from the bakeries in Bakers’ Avenue. Some reports say that the bakeries were paid to pie these people, but who paid them, and why? (Why not?–Ed.)

Laura was speeding down the avenue. She was speeding for she knew about the rumors, and didn’t want to get nailed that day. She noticed that the shops were still open, but there were no customers that day, for it was a Saturday, and only deliveries are made on Saturdays. She had no intention of getting messy that day, especially since she was late to an important function. Then, for a split second, she thought she saw a flying saucer! A UFO? Unlikely! In that split second, she realized that saucer was coming closer, and fast! And, in the next tenth of a second, she could tell: this was no UFO–this was a thick cream pie, filled with blue and white frosting! And, it was headed for her pretty face!

And then it happened: SPLAT! The pie cracked open in her face and gushed blue and white creamy pie filling all OVER her face and head. It splattered around the sides of her head and onto the sidewalk below. She was stunned and shocked. One moment, she’s off to a wedding. The next moment, she gets nailed in the face. She was completely blinded. Blue filing went up her nose a little bit, which she promptly snorted out. Blue and white cream dripped onto her large round breasts from her chin. The gown was now instantly ruined. She was in NO shape to go to a wedding NOW!

“Who threw that?”, Laura snapped. Getting no response from the crowd that had promptly gathered after the hit, she then decided to wipe the pie from her face. But first, she had to put the camcorder down. Now, as anyone knows, when one is travelling with a camcorder, one NEVER loses contact with it. However, Laura was not paying attention to this fact, nor to the 2 workers who had come out of the store. As Laura stood on the sidewalk slowly caressing the pie goop out of her eyes, one of the workers picked up her camcorder, while the other worker brandished two huge pies! As Laura struggled to clear her eyes and wipe her face, the first worker took out the camcorder from its pouch, found an unopened tape, pointed the camcorder at Laura, and set the camcorder to record. Meanwhile, the second worker stood in front of her, waiting for her to lift her head to see what he was about to do next to her. Small grins crossed the worker’s faces as they prepared for “Phase 2”.

As Laura was wiping the rest of the pie from her face, the two workers grinned. The one with the camcorder waited for her face to be mostly clean, and once it was, her then signaled for his cohort to attack. He had two HUGE pies, filled with whipped cream and chocolate, and proceeded to SMASH them onto both sides of Laura’s face and head. The pies had matted her lovely hair down in thick streaks.

The crowd that had gathered since the first attack was loving every moment. They didn’t know if this was staged, or if she truly had no idea that this was going to happen to her. But what Laura and the crowd didn’t know was that the workers were hired to do this to her, and to film every moment of it.

Eventually, Laura was able to see again, just in time to see one of the workers grab her dress. Before she could yell “What the hell are you doing?”, YANK–her dress was off, leaving her in only her white panties, white strapless bra, and white girdle. This was getting VERY silly. She held her body and lifted one knee up to cover herself. Now everyone was convinced that she knew about this all along, and started to cheer, especially the men. Laura’s attitude had began to change, as she soon realized the humor of her situation.

The worker with the camcorder escorted Laura towards their place of work. Thought Laura, “Oh, great! A chance to change and maybe shower!” But the workers had other plans. They escorted Laura through the doorway of a medium sized bakery with glass-paneled front, where huge cakes and pies were evident. Multi-colored pies formed a matrix in the display window. The workers led her inside and gave her a wet towel to clean her face off. As she was fully inside the store, they closed the door. The worker without the camera then grabbed a cord by the side of the door and yelled, “C-Dog sends you this message!” YANK! He pulled the cord, and a bucket of thick, creamy chocolate pudding released from over her head. It poured out ever so smoothly, like cement. GLOOP! Laura had just turned her head straight upwards to see what the noise of the bucket was. The gallon of rich creamy pudding hit her directly in the face, covering and obliterating her facial features. Her nose, mouth, eyes, chin and neck were covered in a layer of thick black pudding. She breathed two little pudding holes through her nose, and then gasped for air with her mouth. This was TOO much! The pudding ran over the sides of her ears, onto her white girdle, and around her neck. She held her arms out as if to say, “What’s next?!?” After clearing two eyeholes from the pudding, she quickly found out what was next. SPLAT SPLAT! Two perfect all white, marshmellow and frosting pies struck her on both sides of her face, contrasting beautifully with the pudding. She stood by the closed door, while bending over slightly to allow the gak to drip off her face onto the floor, all the while getting getting somewhat amused, and somewhat aroused. URRGGGH!, she groaned.

While standing there, she was starting to feel a bit sexy. Well actually, a lot sexy. Her clothes, or what remained of them on her body, had turned brownish-black from the pudding. She decided to remove the girdle. But, in doing so, she made her lovely stomach an easy target for the edible weapons. The girdle, covered in sweets, hit the ground with a squishy plop. Then, WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! 3 multi-colored pies in rapid succession hit her stomach: blueberry with whipped cream, then cherry with whipped cream, then lemon meringue. All of this was being captured on HER video camera! Laura was amazed that someone was taking such intense interest in seeing her get this sloppy. She knew it was time to play up to the workers. So, she slowly reached to her stomach and started sensuously smearing the cream and frosting all over her more-and-more naked body. She rubbed it up and down and side to side, slowly, and carefully, pausing now and then to lick the sweet pastry filling from her index fingers. It was at that moment that the rest of the workers turned it up a notch.

The workers were now throwing with some force, while still laughing it up along with Laura. They kept throwing more and more pies: some landed on her stomach, others splashed down directly into her face. It was hilarious, yet VERY sexy. When a big lemon meringue hit her in the face, she snapped back, as if to say, “Por moi?” Another worker was taking large handfuls of the chocolate pudding and hurling them at her, as if she were a piece of art (which she was becoming by the minute). When she felt she had enough goo on her front side, she turned, like a strip dancer, and showed the bakers her backside. Her back looked fairly clean, and her soft white cotton panties were still untouched. As she turned, she bent over, projecting her lovely round rump into the air. She wiggled her rear end back and forth. That was when the workers went into overdrive: handful after handful of pudding of rich, creamy black and brown chocolate smushed and creamed over her formerly white panties. The soft mess poured down her legs. Pies were being thrown simultaneously. Some managed to hit her back, as she arched her back upwards at times. A chocolate frosting pie with cherries, then another with lime frosting, created a green smear to her back. Then came a marshmellow cake. They slopped down her back, so sweetly and innocently, as if they had been invited, whereas just a split second earlier they had crashed her body at extreme velocity. The pies kept flying in, and Laura kept taking it.

As she bent down again, the goo off her back poured the other way, over the top of her head! It was quite a sticky mess for her. She continued to laugh at the messy situation that was going on. Then she started to run the goo up and down her legs, then smeared the pudding on her panties, which were now totally soaked.

The day was definitely turning VERY erotic. But how far would it (and Laura) go?

Laura then did the unbelievable. In full view of all the bakers, and in front of the camcorder, she slipped her hands into her panties and began to slide them down her pudding-coated legs. She grabbed one edge, then another. She rolled them down very slowly, while wiggling her rear end in the air. The bakers were paralyzed with sexual excitement. The panties arched over her smooth butt, off from her crotch, and then down with her panties to her ankles. The pie and cream got pushed down with her panties to her ankles, too. She then threw the panties into a large nearby vat of chocolate fudge. About five workers made a mad dash for them.

She continued to bend and smear the mess on her body. While bending, she unsnapped her bra, letting her breasts be free. The bra literally bounced off the floor. She could not control herself. The autoeroticism was too much for her. She grabbed at her breasts and squeezed them methodically.

Laura, being a model, might have, under normal non-messy circumstances, held this pose indefinitely. But, her ears were clogged with marshmellow, and she was still very much blinded by whipped cream. So, she felt dizzy, wobbled, and then fell–KERSPLAT!!–into a large wedding cake on the floor in front of her. SMUSSH–as she push through to the other side of the cake. Her legs went up in the air. The cake and her large breasts cushioned her fall. White wedding cake stuck in one gigantic clump to her head and neck, and in smaller clumps elsewhere amidst her naked body. She got up yet again, this time really annoyed that this messy day had gone too far.

She decided that she had had enough and ran to the back of the bakery to wash. Though her wedding dress and underclothes could have been recovered and washed, she didn’t wish to wear wet, squishy clothing to the wedding. So, one of the bakers was kind enough to go down the street to buy her new panties and a bra. He changed his mind when he saw a sexy all-white cotton one piece teddy. Meanwhile, Laura showered and sudsed herself in the backroom of the bakery. The warm water roared onto her soft naked body and washed away the goo. Laura, TOTALLY pie-faced, raised her white and black coated face towards th oncoming water. It splashed off her face and ran down the drain in syrupy streams. She was starting to turn herself on as she washed the warm susdy water off her body. Laura didn’t mind the attention she received from the workers, as well as the onlookers from the street from the beginning of this zany day. She was a true sport, especially since the events of the day were contained on her tape, but the day was not over yet.

After her shower, Laura grabbed her one-piece white teddy from some very lucky baker. She glided into it easily. Meanwhile, the bakers had fished out her panties from the vat of fudge. They had washed her old underwear and dress in a wash basin and threw them into a small drying machine the bakery had in its utility room. “Where’s my dress?”, she asked. “Your clothes are drying. I’ll get you a new one,” said one of the workers. Laura said, “Yes, please do! I still have to make my cousin’s wedding, and your messy antics didn’t help. (Although I’m glad you did that to me. Tee hee.)” The baker retrieved a lovely gold dress, with a low-cut front, along with a pair of black shoes. “Come, zip me up in the back,” she coyly beckoned to a nearby baker. “My honor!” he chivalrously declared. She then put on her new shoes. “I’ll be back later today ater the wedding to pick up my old dress, underwear and shoes. Will that be all right with you guys?” No one said “No”.

The baker with her camera stopped taping and handed her the camcorder. “Bye, fellas! See you later! Don’t use up all the pies of somebody else! Save some for me when I come in again!” She waved and the bakers all waved back, shouting “Goodbye, Laura! Come again! We love you!”

Upon leaving the bakery, Laura picked up one of their business cards. The name of the establishment–Pie-ce De Resistance–struck her as humorous. When she walked out the door, she had received a round of applause from the onlookers (mostly the men) who bore witness to all of the shenanigans that had taken place. She just smiled, and gave a bow, as though she had just performed at the Met. Knowing she would be late for the wedding anyway, she went to a nearby store and bought a blank tape. She popped the new one in her camera, hid the used one in her purse, and rushed off to her cousin’s wedding. She was in luck twice. First, the bride and groom were sick. Apparently, the bachelor and bachelorette parties were VERY good. But, the two lovebirds felt better, and got married. Second, she was glad she was not the maid of honor, or one of the bridesmaids, or else she’d have a heckuva time explaining why she didn’t match with everyone else. Laura successfully taped the ceremony. At the reception, she was asked by her cousin, the blushing bride, if she wanted a piece of cake. Smiling knowingly, she agreed, and took a slice.

She left her car back at her cousin’s place because she got hammered at the bachelorette party. Her cousin said she’d leave it for her when she’d get to the church. Getting back in her car, she was on her way back to the bakery to pick up her original clothes. While sitting in traffic, she was thinking about who this “C-Dog” character was. He was the one responsible for the day’s events. She kept the following in mind: C-Dog knows her, and wanted her messy antics on tape. That’s when she remembered email she had received from her friend Charles from Louisville. “Of course! Charles is C-Dog,” she cried. “Well, if he wants a tape of me, he’ll get one.” She changed directions and headed for Bemis Woods. She was going to make the tape more “interesting”.

Laura finally arrived at Bemis Woods. Luckily, the sun was still out, so the shot would come out nicely on film. She took the tape of the wedding out of the camcorder and put in the backseat. She then put the original tape back in. She opened up her trunk and pulled out her tripod, and stood the camcorder on the tripod. She hit Record, walked in front of the camera and ad-libbed a speech. “Well , C-Dog, or should I say Charles, the college student, those stooges you had set up to pie me did quite a good job. But you ain’t seen nothin’ yet.”

She tilted the camera towards the spot she was about to go into. After getting it in focus, she started her mud romp. First, she took off her newly acquired black shoes, and dipped her feet into the mire. After liking what she felt, she looked at the camera, and raised her eyebrows. “Now it’s time for the ‘Strip-N-Dip'”, she said. With the camera on her, she slowly unzipped and took off her new gold dress. Next went her snow-white teddy. Then, she began her descent. She got on her knees and began rubbing the brownish-black goo all over her rear and legs. Then, she lay flat on her back, so as the mud would give her back a nice coating. Then, she turned over, got back on her knees, and began to rub the mud all over her 43D-sized breasts. This was making her hot, and the sun on that warm June day was making her hotter. Finally, she took globs of the gunk and ran it through her hair, making it gummy and slick and pasty. That’s when she remembered a really deep spot of the swamp.

She got up to change the camera position. With the camera still taping, the new scene began. She slogged her way to the very deep section, and shoved her hands into the mire. The she slid the glop all over her beautiful face. He face was now as unrecognizable as when she had been pelted back at the bakery. She continued to play and jump around until every inch of her face and body was totally slathered with gooey, thick muck.

She cleaned her eyes, but not her mouth. She let the mud dribble off her lips. Then she looked into the camera and said, “That was fun, don’t you think? Now, I believe it’s time for me to wash up.” She then positioned the camera to the lake. She walked in, and proceeded to clean up. It took some time to get the mud out of her hair and ears, but eventually, she got clean. Luckily, she was using an 8-hour tape, and was using SLP. She now was very naked and very wet. She grabbed a large towel that was in her trunk, and began to dry off, again, in front of the camera. She made sure that C-Dog got a great show. Then, after putting her clothes back on, she said to the camera, “Let’s go visit those friends of yours, back at the bakery. I’m sure they’re dying to see me again!”

After her great muddy performance, Laura put away the camcorder and sped off to the bakery, where this whole adventure began. The workers, who had just hours ago cleaned up the mess they had done to her earlier, were very very happy to see her return. “Your clothes are ready, Miss,” one of the bakers said. “The clothes can wait,” claimed Laura. “I want to finish the tape for your ‘boss’, C-Dog, right here. Any objections?”

No one made any objection to that. She handed one of the workers her camcorder and told him to start filming. She told the rest of the workers to arm themselves with many carts full of pies. They quickly arranged their weapons. The five workers who were to throw at her had two carts apiece, with each cart carrying 30 pies. Laura then removed her shoes, and her gold dress. Then, she playfully removed her teddy, and threw it at the face of one of the workers. “God Bless You,” the worker stated. With the camera now on her face and chest in a great close up, she shouted “Fire!!!” And fire they did: shots on her back, her large breasts, her arms, legs, feet, hair, and mainly face. The workers didn’t use their second carts, for they didn’t know if she wanted them to use them later on her or not. But the camera picked up every shot, and they were all direct hits to each appropriate target, especially her lovely face. Her eyes soon popped open after the 150 pies were launched. She then pointed to the vat of chocolate fudge where she had thrown her panties in earlier that day. She told the cameraman to follow her. She told one of the workers to get two ladders: one for her, and one for the cameraman. After the cameraman had climbed to the top of his ladder, which was placed next to the vat, she climbed hers. She then carefully walked into the vat, which was 1.5 meters high, and 8 ft. in diameter. She then told the cameraman to zoom in on her while she made her descent into the fudge. With arms to her side, she held her breath and slowly went under. While underneath, she managed to turn herself upside-down, so when she emerged, her legs and rear were the first things that were seen. She opened her legs for a few seconds, then pulled them under, flipped herself rightside-up, then emerged gasping for air. Her face was really unrecognizable now. She started making spikes and swirls with her hair, since it was so covered in the chocolate goo. She kept smiling at the camera, giving it her all.

She then carefully got out of the vat, and back to the same spot where she had just been pied a few moments ago. After clearing her eyes, she spurted out the word “Fire!!!” again. The workers threw with no mercy this time. 40 of the pies went to her breasts, 35 to her unmentionables, and the remaining 75 were all direct hits in her fudge laden face. She wasn’t finished.

She told two of the workers to get two large buckets of pudding, one in vanilla and one in chocolate. Moments later, they had the heaving buckets in their hands. She sat Indian style on the floor. The worker with her camcorder positioned himself so that he could get the shot. She said “Chocolate” and without hesitation, the worker with the chocolate pudding poured it on her head and face slowly, letting every second count. When he had finished, Laura breathed out two noseholes through the pudding and somewhat exhausted, said “Vanilla”. The vanilla pudding made quite an interesting contrast with the chocolate pudding and whipped cream that was on her already. She then stood up, and rubbed it all through her hair and body. She then saw the strawberry gateau. She placed it on the ground and sat on it. She told one worker to grab the largest marshmellow/chocolate pie he could find. After doing so, he handed it to her. With the pie in hand, she looked into the camera and said, “One more for the road!”, and nailed herself HARD in the face.

Laura then told the cameraman to follow her to the shower area. This shower was much longer than the other shower, due to all of the pudding and fudge in her hair. All the while she was washing, she thought to herself, “He should be thankful that this is recording on SLP, otherwise, the tape would have ended back in the woods.” After a good 25+ minutes, she was eventually clean. She dried off, retrieved her original clothes, took her camcorder, and was on her way.

One week later, she mailed the tape to her friend Charles, the “C-Dog”. Upon receiving it, she got the following email message: God Bless You, Laura. I had a friend that worked there, and he owed me a favor. I showed him your picture from the Internet, and told him that you might be near his place of business that weekend with a camcorder, and well, you know the rest. It looked great! I can’t wait for the sequel. Take care.

Laura thought “Sequel?!? Oh boy. If he wants me to do a sequel to that tape, he’s crazier than I thought! But, in the longrun, it was very fun. I’ll think about it.”

The End.