The House Party

— by AlanWam —

(Noels House Party is a UK television programme where members of the public sometimes get gunged)

Sue and I went out for New Years Eve for the first time in years and it was definitely worth while.

A friend had suggested we go to a pub about ten miles from us called The Bull. He told me that it normally had fancy dress parties on New Years Eve and they were a lot of fun. Well we didn’t want to wear fancy dress but we put on some smart clothes, left the next door neighbour babysitting, and set off for the pub. We got there about nine and the car park was packed. Outside a sign said ‘Welcome to the Bull’s Public House Party!’. We went inside and, although it was busy, there was plenty of space and even some seats. The music was playing and lots of people were dancing so, while Sue found a seat, I got the drinks in.

No sooner had I sat down than the music stopped and a voice asked everyone to sit down. Gradually the people moved off the floor and revealed two large tables in front of a small stage. Sitting at one table were six fellas and at the other six girls. They were all wearing ‘Bull’ t-shirts and jeans and in between the tables was a fellow dressed in a gold suit and bow tie holding the microphone. What transpired was that they were holding a version of Noel’s House Party – hence the sign – and it was boys against girls in a series of games with all the proceeds going to charity.

They started with some simple questions and then moved on to silly party games like passing a balloon between the team members without using their hands. The fun started when one game required one member of each team to drink a pint of water without using his or her hands. They both did the same thing and used their teeth to hold the glass with the result that most of the water went down the front of their respective t-shirts. I noticed how easily the girls t-shirt turned transparent revealing a white lacy bra beneath.

Then the gunge tank made an appearance to a great cheer from the crowd and a particularly loud one from me. One person from each team was selected and the audience had to vote on which one was to be gunged by putting money in the hat in front of them. Needless to say I voted for the girl but when the money was added up it was the boy who was chosen. The tank looked like a shower cubicle, which it probably was, and as he sat down on the stool the MC climbed on a chair and tipped in a large bucket of gunge which looked like coloured wallpaper paste. After a moment there were cries for more and the MC agreed to put the girl in as well. This was what I wanted and she didn’t seem to be wasting any time in going in but the MC made a great thing about wiping the seat clean before she sat down. Then he asked for volunteers to pour in the gunge and my hand was up like a shot but he picked a girl from the audience.

She was a petite blonde wearing a little black sleeveless dress and heels which caused her trouble getting onto the chair. She could hardly lift the bucket but eventually the paste went in coating the girl completely. I loved the way it ran down her jeans as she stood up. As soon as she had gone the seat was wiped clean and then the girl was helped down but she wasn’t allowed to return to her seat. Instead the MC told her it was her turn and she laughed but he insisted and nervously she took a seat. He climbed up with another bucket and made a great play of shouting shall I? Much to everyones surprise, especially the girls, he actually did do it and there was a scream from her as the paste plastered her long blonde hair to her body. I wondered if it had been a set up but she actually came back to her boyfriend who was sitting near us and wasn’t sure whether to laugh or not but she seemed to be taking it in good spirit and told him she was going to wash some of it off.

The games continued for a little while longer and in the mean time the girl returned having washed most of the paste out of her hair and off her face but she still wore the sticky dress.

It was nearly half past eleven when the gunge tank was brough back into use and the MC announced that an auction was to take place and the four highest bidders would be able to pick someone to gunge. I realised that it would be groups of people who would win but I put a bid in anyway. After a quick count up the first bid was announced and I realised they were way above mine but it was all for a good cause. The first team picked a fellow from their own team and with much gentle arguement he removed his jacket before taking his seat and another member of his group tipped in the gunge to great drunken cheers.

After a now customary clean of the seat the next bid went to another large group and a second fellow was sent to his fate. This time his partner climbed up on the chair and emptied in the bucket. She didn’t escape entirely as he grabbed her and pulled her to him and gave her a great big kiss. She looked lovely with green paste down the front of her face, her blouse and her skirt. The next bid went to an all girl group and their elected victim was a very attractive young girl wearing a long tight black skirt, white blouse and black waistcoat. She got soaked by one of her friends and made sure everyone else got some by flicking it over her friends when she returned to the table.

The final bid went to a table near us and I wondered who they’d pick. I was surprised to see them looking round the room but I was even more surprised when they picked Sue. So was she but didn’t seem to mind too much as she made her way to the stage. She in fact got two bucketfuls, one red and one blue, before returning to the table.

As New Year struck all hell broke loose as somebody started throwing bucketfuls of gunge around the room and as we left there were very few clean customers. It turned out that my guess had been right as they’d used food colouring in paste and it didn’t come out. Sue’s rust coloured skirt, silky blouse and cardigan were permenantly stained not to mention her satin undies but we decided it was all good fun and we’d be going the next year.