It’s Either a Vision or Sleep-Dep

Last night, on my way to the pre-kink-party party, I drove by an abandoned church, and my mind started drifting. If I came into possession of an abandoned church, what would I do with it?

Of course, I’d have to hold parties in it. Kink parties, LAN parties, LARPing parties, and splosh sessions. (Woe upon the drunken concept of combining them all.) However, the building would still clearly have been a church at one time, and any church needs to be inhabited by a religion. What religion would belong in my new building?

Of course! The Church of the Flying Pie Monster. Clearly, the FPM is one of the Archangels of the Flying Spaghetti Monster pantheon, the others being the Flying Breadstick Monster, the Flying Wine (or Soda) Monster, and Steve, who hath appeared to some as the Intergalactic Fruitbat. She is the avatar of sploshers, WAMmers, and those immature enough to want to cover each other with their desserts.

Sploshed by Her Gooey Deliciousness

I sent respectful thoughts to the FSM over a period of several hours, and I received no negative response to my interpretations. Clearly, I’m on the right track here.

So far, I have received only a few inspirations as to the structure and ritual of the church. I know that our Holy Vestments are clown suits, vinyl maid uniforms, and trash bag dresses; and that the titles held by church officials must all be derived from Munchkin cards. If there are any others out there who have been slimed by Her gooey deliciousness, and can tell us more about the rituals, trappings, and other defining attributes of FPM services, please pass them along!

Now I just need to figure out how to afford that church…

Ancient Intelligent Shrieking Geek Shokolada