I’ve had a few chances this year to reflect on this, and it’s really interesting to me. In a trash bag scene, I don’t mind being called “trash” or “garbage” because that’s playful objectification. In a littles scene I don’t mind being called “little boy” or “little girl” or even “baby” both because adults use those as terms of endearment, and because the playfulness is still there.
What I don’t like being called in a trash scene is words like “worthless,” “useless,” “disgusting” and the like. Because those are cruel words, and I spent too much of my life believing them. I’ve struggled for most of my life with depression and anxiety; and once years ago I decided that maybe those words were right, and therefore I didn’t need to be around anymore. That led to a very close shave with the worst mistake I could possibly make ever.
So I need to remember to negotiate that carefully in scenes. For whatever reason. I don’t find being bound in a bag humiliating; but those words can take me there, and not in a fun kinky way.
Is it possible at all to use those words without negative effect? Sure. If we are really close, and we tease each other already, and you take whatever steps are necessary (including negotiation, pre-care, and tone of voice) to convince me you are saying those for fun and not in disgust. Even then, it’s edge play. Handle with care.
Having said all that, I had an incredible bag scene tonight. I wouldn’t have missed it for the world, my Dominant was amazing and read in me everything we hadn’t talked about, and I cannot surkking wait to play plastic with them again. It was a good night… and food for thought as well.