- What mess shall we use?
We’ve been saving up – let’s make this a scene to remember! Now, this is a scene I might set up. There are plenty of other kinds and combinations of messy stuff you might set up, so don’t feel limited by my choices or quantities. One can have a good scene with a single pie, or two dozen; we’ll set up twelve whipped topping pies, three catering cans of chocolate and vanilla pudding, two large buckets of cake batter, and a pair of cakes.
For each pie, we’ll purchase a 16oz. tub of whipped topping, for about $2 or $3 per. We’ll buy ten tubs, because four of our pies will each only need half a tub. The catering cans run about $3 each at shopping club stores, though one has to search a bit to find which local club sells them. We’ll buy four boxes of yellow cake batter, and four boxes of chocolate: the cheap stuff is fine, so that will cost about $8. Prepared sheet cakes cost easily $10-$15 or up for really large ones, but sometimes you can find yesterday’s cake on sale. We’ll get a sheet cake and a round layer cake, so figure another $25. So, we’re at a total of about $75 so far.
- What other items do we need to buy?
Well, we’ll need tins for the pies, a can opener for the pudding, two large buckets, and a mixing spoon or two. The batter boxes recommend eggs and cooking oil, and while they’re not necessary, one does get much better texture and feel by following the directions. For protecting the area, we’ll want at least a three-pack of painter’s tarps, and a roll of duct tape. A few clean washcloths will come in useful, as will a pair of scissors, and perhaps an electric mixer for our batters. Three or four cheap foam picnic coolers would also be a wise purchase. And, bring several trash bags – you’ll need them. Costs here will vary wildly depending on what you may already have, but I usually spend about $20-$30 more on my extra supplies.
- How do we prepare the play area?
This is where the painter’s tarps and duct tape come in. Firmly tape down one of the tarps beneath your play area. Firmly tape another to the wall behind your play area; use the third to make a clean path from the play area to the shower or bathroom where you’ll be cleaning up. Watch out for gaps and tears, because they attract messy materials. Now, look over your play area, and consider that the goo we’ll be playing with splatters, splashes, and flies around a bit. Anything close by you didn’t cover? Well, hope you got some more tarps…
- How do we prepare the materials?
Okay, here’s how we get our messy stuff ready. The tubs of whipped cream must soften for at least eight hours. I don’t have room for them all in my refrigerator, so I’ll be leaving them overnight in the foam coolers – this will soften them up nicely without letting them melt into liquid. For the simplest play pie, scoop the contents of one tub into a pie tin; it may look heavily loaded, but that’s just what we want for the scene. We’ll make four special pies by opening up a can of chocolate pudding, pouring about an inch into each tin, and scooping half a tub of topping atop the each of the four. This’ll give a nice two-toned smear on our victim. Sometimes, a drop or two of food coloring mixed into the tub before scooping gives pies a festive look. (One or two drops per tub is plenty for a pretty look, and more can easily stain skin, leading to awkward moments at work the next morning!)
Empty the four yellow cake batters into one bucket, and the four chocolate cake batters into another. As mentioned, we suggest you mix in the suggested amounts of eggs and oil for a lovely feel, but it’s possible to just pour in water alone a bit at a time and mix until we’ve got a good consistency. The electric mixer will save a lot of strength. Use tepid water – cold is not fun for the victim, who will be chilled enough, and warm will activate the yeast, giving you fizzy batter.
Open the remaining pudding cans and the cakes.
- How do we perform the scene?
Well, goodness, I’m sure you can think of fun things to do. Have the victim sit, bare-tushed, in the sheet cake. Grind their face into the layer cake. There are many pie techniques: good targets include face, chest, crotch, and butt (don’t forget the pie sandwich to each side of the head simultaneously)! Pour the buckets and cans over their head and body. If the victim is wearing clothes, fill various areas with the goop. Be creative!
Now, here’s some tips. The goo irritates some folks’ eyes – be prepared with a damp washcloth to clear the eyes ASAP. Make sure that the victim can always breathe through either their nose or mouth. While the crotch is a fair target, avoid getting sugary goo inside a lady’s vagina – this is bad news. Let the victim sit on a tarped or easily-cleaned chair, as it’s easy to lose one’s balance when eyes and ears are covered. Much of the goop will be chilly, so keep the room a bit warm.
Role-playing in a messy scene is great fun, and ‘punishing’ the victim is a common theme. Usually the victim has supposedly been rude or difficult, has displayed a bad habit, or is in some other need of correction or humiliation. There are lots of costumes which fit this scene well, including classic maid or childish costumes. Sexual activity at this point is great fun as well, but do be careful about sugary stuff going where it doesn’t belong – and watch your traction. Many sex positions are pretty hard when the partners are slipping around so much!
- How do we clean up the victim?
You are certainly going to need to help your victim to the shower – this stuff is slippery, and their vision and balance will probably be off-kilter. Hope you wore something easily washable, or disposable, or wore nothing at all! It helps a bit if the surface under the tarp has some texture; once, we used cheap flip-flops to give our victim some extra traction.
You’re in the shower, and you’ve probably left a trail of smears on door handles and doorposts and other places. Remember to come back for those. Now, get the hottest water the victim can comfortably stand, as there’s a lot of sugary good to dissolve away and rinse down the drain. If you don’t thin and dilute the goop very well, you’ll be coming back with drain cleaner in a month or so! Pay much attention to nose, ears, eyes, hair, and creases in skin, and don’t be surprised to find a bit of chocolate or dried topping in unlikely places on the body for a couple of days.
Benefit: many victims find that their skin and hair becomes remarkable soft and supple for the day after a messy session. It’s an excellent excuse, in my book. And for goodness sake, if you’re physically close with your victim at all, jump in that shower and help them reach all the hard parts! I mean, talk about an opportunity…
- How do we clean up the area?
If you have been careful, and lucky, rolling up the tarps will be ninety percent of the work right there. Check the details of the path to your shower: handles, taps, doorposts, and anything someone might have put a hand on my be smeared. Check the floor and walls for dollops of flying cream (the harder you throw a pie, the farther the topping flies)! Place all your mess in the trash bags – you’ll probably have to do some double-bagging, as the stuff is awfully heavy. (We sometimes save a step or two by leaving our victim in a giant 55-gallon trash bag for the scene!)
I’ve managed to scene in a hotel room and then afterwards clean it in less than an hour. Care and planning and a little attention to the gotchas all go a long way toward making it easy. (We tipped housekeeping well, though – just in case.) Cart your own trash to the closest dumpster if you can – it saves explanations and resentment.
- Is that everything? Isn’t this a lot of work and expense?
Everything I could think of right now, and it certainly is. But then, any good kinky scene deserves planning and prep, and while most people can’t afford a scene like this once a week, making it an occasion will mean happy memories. Heck, bring your camera! (Just be careful about getting it sticky!)