Pi Day 2018

Happy 3.14, everyone!

This is of course a retrospective of our work, but we are right now actively seeking paid models in the Raleigh area (or willing to travel on their own dime) for new shoots! Stay tuned to this website!

PieCoin

My new cryptocurrency is called PieCoin. It’s only redeemable for pies in the face (and other places); but nevertheless I expect it to do very well, so be ready to get in on the ground floor.

Our PieCoin cryptocurrency is in negotiations with CakeInTheFaceCoin and PuddingDownYourKnickersCoin, so stay tuned for details on possible exchange rates.

The Peace of Plastic (… or Latex)

This is the view from inside my much loved-and-abused Subbie Storage Trash Can, seen in “Can It!” The thing about so much encasement play is that it is both erotic, and soothing and peaceful. To be softly held in place on all sides, forced to relax because you’ve no choice, surrounded by quiet dimness or darkness… ahhh.

Maid Dress Replacement

This dress was destroyed in an amazing pie scene (“Indiscretion” trailer). No regrets, this was always going to be its fate, but I want to replace it and no one makes it anymore. Sadface 🙁

Dungeon SploshNirvana

In a plastic-lined dungeon,
Cool Whip in my hair
Rich smooth brownie batter
Pouring down through the air
Over there on the table, I saw a line-up of pies
My heart rate quickened and my mind grew dim
My temperature started to rise…

There she stood wearing latex;
I heard the DJ’s mix
And I was wondering to myself
Exactly how I got myself in this fix
Then she grabbed that confection, and shoved it into my face
There was laughter from the voyeurs ‘round
I heard them through sub-space…

“Welcome to the Dungeon SploshNirvana,
“It’s the perfect place,
“For pies in your face.
“Plenty of goo at the Dungeon SploshNirvana,
“To find your tasty glee, your messy destiny!”

A Little Maintenance

Hello from the beginning of 2018! It’s been a while… life got pretty interesting, and in some good ways as well as bad. But it was time to come in and clean up the Mess, so to speak! An update to the theme files broke it a few months ago, and once I finally tracked down the problem, the header didn’t work right. I had lost the original header art files in a drive crash, and the re-sized art looked kinda lousy; so I redid the header from scratch. Then I found out the online store was broken. I fixed it for desktops, but it insists on being broken for mobile, so I linked the umd.net version of the store which does work on mobile. Whew?

Why all the trouble? Well… one might say I’ve been scouting locations recently… and considering models… stay tuned!

Bawdy Slapstick at Intervention

I’ve been holding on to this until I could formally announce it, but it’s official: I will be at Intervention 2015 in Washington DC, presenting a panel on “Bawdy Slapstick on a Budget” – or how to get into naughty indie video production and distribution in the Internet Age!

I’ll be showing some samples of my work and taking questions, all with the aim of getting you budding filmmakers and video stars out there and doing what we love when there’s not a lot of cash in the bank.

Intervention is an awesome 3 day conference for people who enjoy learning amazing things and collaborating with other motivated people on a wide variety of projects targeted at the Internet generation. Check it out at https://interventioncon.com!

August 14-16, 2015
Hilton Washington DC/Rockville
1750 Rockville Pike, Rockville, Maryland 20852

Song Parody – “Lick It Off!”

Because you asked for it! Some of you, anyway. Yes, this would make for a great PieWorks video… just need a model who can sing!

—–

Lick It Off!

I really must confess
My life it’s just a mess
But that’s the way it goes, mm-hm
That’s the way it goes
I got way too much distress
Always doing more with less
Well that’s the way it goes, mm-hm
That’s the way it goes

But when we’re playing
My friends and I displaying
Desserts and fashion crashing
Across our bods ‘cause we’re having us a real good time

‘Cause the pie-ers gonna pie-pie-pie-pie-pie
and the pudding’s gonna fly-fly-fly-fly-fly
it’s a gooey silly high-high-high-high-high
Lick It Off!
Cake batter we will buy-buy-buy-buy-buy
Lay the dropcloths in two ply-ply-ply-ply-ply
And we know exactly why-why-why-why-why
We Lick It Off! Lick It Off!

We never miss a chance
For this tasty kinda dance
Now don’t they wish they dared, oh yeah
Don’t they wish they dared?
It’s never a mistake
When we sit down in a cake
They’ll never know our fun, oh no
They’ll never know our fun

But when we’re playing
My friends and I displaying
Desserts and fashion crashing
Across our bods ‘cause we’re having us a real good time

‘Cause the pie-ers gonna pie-pie-pie-pie-pie
and the pudding’s gonna fly-fly-fly-fly-fly
it’s a gooey silly high-high-high-high-high
Lick It Off!
Cake batter we will buy-buy-buy-buy-buy
Lay the dropcloths in two ply-ply-ply-ply-ply
And we know exactly why-why-why-why-why
We Lick It Off! Lick It Off!

Woo-hoo-hoo!
No, we’re not having a bake sale or a church picnic, folks
Just some dirty dirty good clean fun
Our hits bounce to the sweetest beats out there

All my friends love our mess mayhem
They’re like, “Oh, my God!”
When I begin to lick
Hey the clean one over there with the untouched hair
Won’t you try a little pie? We could lick lick lick

‘Cause the pie-ers gonna pie-pie-pie-pie-pie
and the pudding’s gonna fly-fly-fly-fly-fly
it’s a gooey silly high-high-high-high-high
Lick It Off!
Cake batter we will buy-buy-buy-buy-buy
Lay the dropcloths in two ply-ply-ply-ply-ply
And we know exactly why-why-why-why-why
We Lick It Off! Lick It Off!

Lick It Off!
Lick It Off!
Lick It Off!
Lick It Off!

It’s Not A Trap!

I wear my hair long sometimes, and I have nice legs (according to some); so when I’m crossdressing, from the back I can still sometimes pass as a woman. Then of course I turn around to display the beard and lack of tits, and the brief illusion dissipates. Nevertheless it lasted long enough that while maided up at Katsucon, a young lady called out to me, “Hey, trap! Over here!”

She meant it as a compliment, it was clear. But as of today, I’m done with cutting folks slack on that one; it’s simply offensive. “Trap” is stuffed full of assumptions and entitlement, so even if you didn’t mean it negatively, you need to stop using it.

This may come as a surprise to some folks, but rarely is a crossdresser an evil homosexual carefully laying snares to trick unsuspecting straights into sexual encounters out of Rocky Horror. (As lots of people know, the average crossdresser is straight, but you can’t tell a homophobe that.) We don’t want to trick you in to have sex with us. Are you projecting? Would you trick us into having sex with you if we were female and you could?

Furthermore, just because you see someone pretty across the room and get a little excited, that means nothing. Perhaps they are gay, but not for your gender. Perhaps they aren’t especially sexual at all, or aren’t right now. Perhaps they are absolutely interested in your gender, but not in your politics / food choices / fandoms / lack of bathing habits. I’m no trap for you, buddy. I have no interest in you in the first place, no matter how you may tell yourself otherwise.

Trust me: if I’m going to trap someone, it won’t be with crossdressing; it’ll be with pallet wrap or big trash bags, and pre-negotiated! Until then, if I say, “It’s a trap!” it’s almost certainly me Admiral Ackbar imitation. And if you want to say something nice about my looks, please do; just find a nicer word to use!

Fuck Depression

Depression lies.

Depression kills.

Depression nearly took me a few years ago, but I had friends who got to me in time. But it got Robin Williams today, and to hell with it.

To quote a friend: If you’re hurting, if you’re sad, if you need help – please, please, please find what you need. There are so many places and so many people willing to listen and to help.

There is no shame in asking for help.

There is no shame in asking for help.

The world is so much better with you in it. Don’t let depression win.

You’re not alone.

The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 is a place to start. There are many others.

Ask For Help. Please.