— by Argus —
My girlfriend and I are big pie-fans. Pie-rotica. We get naked, we throw big cream pies at each other, we laugh like crazy, and we, by degrees, get into some great lovemaking. Crazy. Fun, silly, and wildly erotic.
She and I met at a party… she is a gorgeous woman, a model for department store catalogues, local magazines, and so on. She is also wickedly smart, and was suffering the attentions of a tall, good-looking and terminally dumb actor. I am not a tall, good-looking actor, I am a mid-sized, moderate-looking writer, but fortunately with an IQ. So, I walked on over, said something to make her laugh, and we talked all night.
A week later we were in bed together.
A day later we could not stop thinking about each other, and talked every day for hours on end.
Anyway, so one day she discovered a videotape I had,.. a “Messy Fun” tape. Her reaction was, and I quote, “Oh! Wow! I have the same one! J—, (her best friend), gave it to me last year!!!” I said “I love that stuff!” She said “Me too!! I told her that if I were a stripper I would dress like a keystone cop, take my clothes off and then take a pie. SO she gave me this tape which she got from her ex.” I asked “Do you like throwing or receiving??”
“Oh, both!!” she smiled.
“yep, me too!!” I answered.
And so, we confessed our pie-pleasures to each other and had a great laugh. That night, we ran out to buy two banana-cream pies and play-acted a scene where we both plastered each other.
Now, we often come up with new situations and new ideas as the set-ups for the pie-ings. Sometimes we just stand in the shower and exchange desserts, sometimes we do elaborate settings. What prompted the following, which you’ll read soon, was when she did a shoot for some bikinis, and wound up in one, a peach $230 thing which was 2 sizes too tight across her bust. “One good cough and I was gonna explode!” she told me.
“Wow, ” I said, looking at her proofs, “You do look sexy in it though!!” She was running her hands through my hair as she stood next to me, looking at the photos. “Yeah, ” she said “but it was too tight. It is also pretty thin fabric, so I thought I was gonna bust through it. And when I walked, I bounced like crazy, so I had to walk like a dancer.”
I kissed her “Wish I was there for this one”. She smiled back.
She said “I know what my being topless does to you. Not that I am complaining, but you would have distracted me and I would have had to do you in front of all of those people!”
“Oh, right!” I said. “You would have been half-naked, which allows me to pie you, so I would have plastered you.”
She smiled at me and said “Oh, so all I have to do is go topless and you’ll pie me?”
“Of course!!”
“What happened to naked-naked??”
“That too, my love, that too!”
She laughed “Aha!! A man after my own heart!”
As an aside, once I seduced her by making dinner, reading poetry, and rubbing her shoulders. She managed to lose her dress, get me undressed, and take me by the hand to the bedroom, where she said “You’d better wear a condom now, because we are stating early”, and she reached into the armoir and took a nice big homemade cream pie and just nailed me with a monster and gooey pie-in-the-face. I stood there like a slapstick character from a silent movie, and when a big glob fell from the plate and landed on top of my erection, she said “don’t move” and did an oral-sex number which I still don’t believe. This is how we suprise each other. Ok, back to the story..
She kissed me and said “Ok! I have no problem going naked, so be prepared. But: I get my revenge” and she ran her open hand over my face, pantomiming a pie. I replied, “You’d better!!!” With this in mind, read on…
A few weeks later, we had a party at the house. We have a pool in the back yard with a deep deep-end, allowing for diving. There were a few people there, some close friends from her agency mostly. I was wearing shorts and a t-shirt, and she came out onto the patio in a too-small off-white bikini. A $200 thang she got to keep after a shoot since it didn’t fit. My heart leapt. I walked over and gave her a really good kiss and told her how GOOD she looked. She smiled and said “It barely fits. I’m almost gonna bounce out of the top and the bottom feels like a band-aid!!” I laughed and went in to bring her a wrap-around to go around her waist.. a thin blue cotton thing she did a wrap with and tucked the loose corner under so it would stay.
I ran my hands through her boyish haircut and kissed her again. I whispered in her ear “I have some ammunition in case you do fall out of that thing!” She grinned and whispered back “Good! Even if I don’t fall out, I think I’ll just rip those clothes off of you, pie you really good and let you chase me with the other one.” “MMM, welll, ok. Talk me into it”. She laughed and said “Yeah, right! Come one, guests are waiting”.
I had the pies in boxes on the patio table, closed so the guests had no idea what was in them.
So we talked, ate, barbecued, until after some time it was early evening and the only guests left were one of her model-friends, her best friend actually, and her best-friends boyfriend.
“I’m going in for a swim!” my gf said, and tossed me her wrap. She walked up close, her nicely sized boobs bouncing noticably (well, I noticed!) in the off white bikini. When I looked closely, I could see the outlines of her nipples, which tells you how thin that fabric was! She said, sotto-voce, “Lets see what happens” and winked. Before she walked away, she gave my dick a long grope and her eyebrows went up as she noticed I was (ahem) a but excited. As she walked to the diving board, her best friend asked me “Did she just grope you???” and yelled “You’re bad, girl, just bad! Thats why I love ya!” Then back to me “You let her grope you in public like that???”
I answered “Hey, I get my hands down her shirt in elevators..” and I shrugged.
“Now I see why you live with this guy!!” she yelled.
Now my gf was on the board and executed a reasonably decent dive. I thought for sure that the bikini was history, and my heart started to pound as I inched toward the pie-box. Once I looked into the pool and at her underwater, I could see the top intact but her bottoms around her knees. I made a dash to get a towel, and met her at the edge of the pool where she adjusted the bottoms. As she stepped out, I handed her the oversized towel, then the blue wrap. She put on the wrap, and then took off the bikini bottoms. Now the bikini top was almost transparent, which set me going, and her sexy figure under the boue wrap, sans bottoms, was just amazingly erotic.
“I though for sure my top was gonna come off on that dive”
I smiled “Yeah, me too!!”
She smirked “Lucky for you those shorts are big, mister”
Close call, but no cigar. The four of us took to chaise lounges and talked for a while. When the other two went inside the house together for a moment, I got my hands on my gf’s breasts, caressing with my fingers. She put her head back nd smiled and closed her eyes. I got my fingertips around her nipples and lightly stroked (through the bikini fabric), which got me a “OOh, I love your hands when they do that.” I said “I know” and smiled.
She looked at me under half-open lids and said “And we know what that does to me. Are the other two coming back yet?” “Um, not yet” “Good”, and she got her hand inside my shorts and started to caress me. It was my turn to melt into squichy puddles of joy. I got my hand under the wrap, caresses her backside, and worked my way to her clit, gently stroking. She smiled and made a nice “I give up” sound.
Once we heard them coming back, we extricated ourselves and tried to look innocent.
She looked at me and then said “I’m taking another swim, now that I’m all dried off”. “In the wrap??” I asked. She said “What, you’ve never seen my butt before? Just be ready just in case” and I kissed her.
Her best friend, in black bikini, said “Yeah, me too, but no diving for me.” I went to get another soda, and my gf started walking around the pool. Just as she was about to turn the corner of the pool on the far side, the phone rang. Her business phone. We have seperate phones for business. She stopped and I said “Its yours!” She said “Oh, shit, that may be my gig for tomorrow!!” and she started to run back to the house, around the pool.
Well, on about the third bouce of her 35-C boobs, the bikini top made a loud snapping sounds and flew off sideways into the pool. My heart flipped, and I moved fast, fortunately close to the pie-boxes. Her best friend screamed in laughter, and my gf smiled and kept running, her breasts bouncing and the wrap slipping just a little lower (but not off). She said “Oh hell, the *phone!*. As she turned the corner, I grabbed the big lemon cream pie (we have them made special for us with heavy, sweet sticky cream and lemon chiffon filling) and made it around the table, getting the pie out of the tin, and in front of my gf, who, still running at a kind of a jog, looked at me with an “Oh no not now I hav to get the phone I’ll get you for this I love you you’re the best” kind of look…..and I let the pie fly, planting it smack dab into her face just as she scrunched it up for the treat. Between her forward momentum and mine, that lemony, white, very large creamy pie went “SPLMACK!” and covered her face, shoulders, collar bone, laid a white stripe with crust down and across her left boob (and under it.. missing her nipple. How’s that for weird physics??) and leaving her face thickly covered in white cream and pale yellow-white filling, crust on the top of her head and on her nose. She slowed to a halt just 5 feet from teh patio doors, her mouth in a big open-mouthed suprised smile. She was hunched over just a bit from slowing her momentum, and she said “Whoa!!!” The other two just cracked up in laughter!! (They knew about our kink, and we of theirs..). My gf just laughed, and finally stood up straight. The blue wrap had slipped down just enough to show the very top of her crotch, on a sexy angle.
She licked her lips, letting the crust slide down her face and onto her body, and the ground, and her shoulders. “MMmmm!! Honey, this lemon is good!!” She slowly wipe her eyes, still leaving a lot of white cream but woth two green eyes peeking out. The pie was oozing off her face a lot slower now, the crust having gone except for the tip of her nose and even that was gaining downward momentum. She took a creamy finger or two and put it into my mouth. I smiled, and walked close to giver her a kiss, coming away with some cream on my face. She said to our guests “I’ll be right back” and walked over to the table to get the second pie. I looked at our guests and said “I won’t!!” and ran like hell into the house, pied girlfriend with lemon pie in hand in hot pursuit.
I ran into the bedroom, where she finally calmly walked, licking her lips. She took her free hand and discarded the blue wrap. She was very very sexy standing there, BIG pie in her right hand, cream pie all over her face (she wore it well, not taking any of it off that didn’t have to come off for sight or air), big cream stripe starting at her right collar bone and down acress her chest, into cleavage, and on and around going under her left breast. More on her shoulders and little splatterings on her right boob, her arms, her hands, and one foot. Some managed to splat onto her right thigh also. I got very very hard. She said “Off with the clothes, NOW!” I obliged, and stood there naked. She walked up, wearing only the liberal servings of lemon cream pie I had dished to her downstairs, and with her free hand gave my very hard penis a cream-covered-hand-grope and then plastered me with the lemon cream pie, making huge circles with it around my head. She took off the pie tin and took a last piece out of the tin as the majority of the pie stuck to my head from ear to ear, crust ooozing down my face, and pied my dick, rubbing it in really good. She then did a “brushing off the hands” thing and stood back, and laughed, and said “Yeah!! Thats better!! A job well done!!” I loved every minute of it, and wiped my eyes. We walked closer and embraced, and started to go at it. We exchanged oral sex before going to the shower for a clean-up and a climactic finale.
The evening ended perfectly when I told her how I loved to both pie and be pied by her. She smiled and said “Me too. I never thought I would meet a man who loves a pie in the face as much as I do”. I smiled, and replied the same. I said “I love to pie you”. She smiled and said “Almost as much as I love to pie you”. More loving words can’t be spoken.
